Did You Just Ask That?

I know I’ve spoken about self-censorship before in my blog. This is something I’m never really happy about, but I do it to protect the feelings of others. I’ve been thinking about something very similar, but this is more like a set of rules I have for myself. I have a list of thing I just don’t do or ask. Like everyone knows their Miss Manners – you don’t ask a woman her age over the age of like 21; you don’t ask if that is a woman’s real hair color; or if that younger woman is a guys daughter or something. 

There are things you just don’t ask! Why? Because you don’t know that might be on the other end of the answer.   Their could be embarrassment, hurt, or controversy. You don’t know and therefore you need to think before you put that question out there for someone answer. I don’t care how good your intention are, or WHO you are, there are things that are none of your business. 
A big example of this in when it comes to children or fertility. Couples or non-couples don’t need to asked “So, when are you going to have kids?” or “When are you going to make me a Grandparent?” Think about this question for a moment. First of all it is a private personal thing between two people and it has nothing to do with anyone else but them. Unless you are one of those two people you have no idea what is going on in their lives. From possible fertility issues, to financial issues or just plan want or readiness.
I’ve have several friends in my life who are or have gone through fertility issues. This topic is something very difficult for people to deal with and everyone has their opinions – it’s just that not all of them need to be expressed to the couples involved. I know when I found out I was pregnant with Loki, I felt it was going to be very hard to tell some of my friends. I knew couples in my life were trying and there had been heartache and stress involved in their attempts to get pregnant. I didn’t want to be the person yelling from the roof tops that I had pulled off this miracle of life and they hadn’t. I know I had every right to be excited and happy, but at what cost to my friends. Some of those couples have since had their own miracles and others have not. I make it a rule not to ask those friends how its going, are they still trying or what are their options. I only do so when I’m giving the nod from them. 
I wasn’t going to directly comment on the following, but I have changed my mind. Recently my Brother and Sister-in-Law, Sean and Tiffany, have been at the receiving end of an interrogation of sorts regarding their plans for children. This line of questioning was invasive and in their eyes crossed a line that made them both uncomfortable. I think this is wrong. You can put whatever spin on the intentions behind this, how much you love someone and you’re concerned, but honestly its no ones business but theirs. Also, what benefit comes out of this? Nothing. It causes greater stress on the situation. If the couple is trying you have now placed the one thing any OB/GYN would tell you doesn’t help fertility STRESS. 
People need to think. Take a moment and THINK. 
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~ by Cute Fan Girl on January 10, 2010.

One Response to “Did You Just Ask That?”

  1. One of the things my mom drilled into me was the notion of “what will other people think” regarding the things I say and do. It’s a tedious way to live – constantly worrying that everything you say might make someone uncomfortable. At 35, I’m still do daily battle with shrugging all that off.

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