Wicked-It’s Not Just a Musical, It’s a State of Mind

With the (fairly) recent Supreme Court ruling in the discrimination case against Wal-Mart that included 1.6 million female workers,  I would guess that you won’t be seeing any class-action lawsuits against Disney anytime soon. If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, that would be the possible class-action case  The Step-Mothers of the World vs. Disney.

I know that Disney is just the current catalysis for slander started by the Brothers Grimm, Charles Perrault and many others throughout the years, but they have upped the ante and made the words “Evil” and “Wicked” a permanent word association with the simple title of Stepmother. Think about the Disney “Princess” films you know, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937), Cinderella (1950), and Tangled (2010). Who are the villains of those films? The Stepmothers (okay – I know in Tangled she kidnapped her but close enough). I’m sure you could add The Little Mermaid (1989) too, you can’t tell me that King Triton didn’t have something going on with Ursula at some point? There is way too much anger there for Ursula not to be a woman scorned. I could go into the other sordid dealings in the Castles, like King Stefan of  Sleeping Beauty (1959) with Maleficent – why wasn’t she invited to the to the Christening in the first place? Because the Queen didn’t want Stefan’s dirty laundry around that’s why. Good thing he didn’t have a bastard son with her, because the son would have been sitting outside with the squires with the likes of Jon Snow from A Game of Thrones. Like I said, I could go on and on about this but I won’t. I’d rather let the royalty keep the skeletons in their closets or in their beds.

I happen to be a Stepmom. I have been officially for the past four years this Thursday and unofficially I have been since meeting Gabrielle, my step-daughter in February 2005. Am I evil? Some might say I am at times, in fact I might say I am at times. I have a dark side, but don’t we all? Even birth parents do. I walk a fine line when it comes to her, our relationship and what I say. If anything I am honest with her, which is something her Mother can’t say to her. I also think she is fairly honest with me, when we talk about things which I know she can’t say to her Mother.

Gabrielle (4) and I

Step-parents have a specific place in a family and that is made harder when that place happens to be “their” home. I personally find that I feel in some cases that I can’t say things to her about picking up, behavior and manners because I’m not “her” parent, though I am. In the beginning I worried things would get back to her Mother and that would make it harder on Mad Dog, but now I don’t. It’s my house, my rules and now there are my kids to think about too. In general I want them all to get along, but we all know how that goes (See Black Trash Bags Are The New Pink). What I want for Mad Dog is respect. I think he has that from her, though I wonder sometimes what she is thinking. I would like that for me as well, but I don’t care if I get that as long as Mad Dog, Lex and Loki have what I want for them. As for Gabrielle I want her to feel like this is her home too. I think she does, because she certainly doesn’t treat it like a guest house.

Why do Step-parents (see Mad Dog I kept it equal there, not just Moms like in the parenting magazines) get a bad rap? Maybe because they are not always heard? They stand back and let their partner parent (or don’t parent) and become frustrated by the results. They don’t have a voice in matters, there is always someone else “controlling” part of their life and they have no say in it, because it wasn’t their marriage or divorce. I’m sure this could leave some Stepmothers to have their step-daughter mop a floor, clean out a fireplace or two or maybe even take a walk in the woods with a huntsman. Then there are those other Stepmothers that make sure you get the American Girl Doll you wanted for Christmas or they drive out of their way to get you a authentic bonnet hat like Laura Ingalls would have written about-both given to you under the of name Santa Claus, another myth that walks in the same realm as the Good-Stepmother.

Christmas 2010

It’s possible our evil side comes out from time to time. Maybe we talk about scheduling nightmares, about behavior changes in our family when you come with our friends at work, but we are human even though we are also a Step-something. I don’t think I’ll ever completely forget who I am when it comes to my Step-Daughter Gabrielle. That might be part of the problem for the Evil and Wicked ones out there. They are possibly waiting for that first, “You’re not my Mother!” to be flung back in their face.

Makes me think of a quote from a book I’m reading:

“Let me give you some counsel, bastard”, Lannister said. “Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” (A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin)


~ by Cute Fan Girl on August 10, 2011.

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