As I Lay Me Down

I worry about my children. I think most parents do and the worries don’t stop with age (their aging or ours). For me my worries vary in range from the simple to the extreme and then there is the completely irrational. For Mad Dog this means sometimes talking me down from panic attack that Lex might not ever learn to read or Loki will hate me because I brushed her hair too hard.

I am a parent that cuts her children’s grapes, to prevent a possible choking hazard. I am overly cautious and strict about running or goofing off in the kitchen when I am cooking for fear of the burns they could suffer if they pull over a pot of hot liquid or get splashed with hot oil like I have. I joke about zombie attacks and preparing them for one, but in the end if and when technology really does fail us I hope my overactive imagination helps them through. I torture myself on how to talk to Lex about being more aware of his surroundings, to always know where an exit is and to notice the little things that others may not. I think about how to teach Loki to be brave and act on pure adrenaline when it is needed the most.  How do I show them to be good when there is sometimes so much bad around. How do I teach them all the things I know without scaring them? That’s the trick.

You just do isn’t much of an answer. With all I worry about, this does not stop me from letting them live. It does not stop me from supporting and loving them. If Loki wants to climb the highest mountain, though it scares me to death that she wouldn’t come back I would be the first one to give money to her cause and dream. I find myself asking – did my parents have it this hard? I’m sure they worried. I mean they had Adam Walsh. They had the Unabomber. But how common were tragic events like Columbine or the Colorado Theater shooting?  Our times have changed. In someways we have become so focused on the larger terrors such as school shootings and child snatching pedophiles that we forget all the other things that could take them away from us. Still we have to let go of their hands sometime. They have to learn to cross the street on their own and we have to remember we won’t always be there to protect them.

Last night a very good person, a co-worker and a friend lost her 24-year-old daughter to a drunk driver. The wrong place, the wrong time and the wrong person – in fact it shouldn’t have been any person. She was driving home from a friends house at 10:30 at night and she found herself colliding with the end of her life. Not at her own hand, but at the hand of an ignorant, arrogant person who possibly thought they were smarter or quicker than fate. I’m probably giving him too much poetic narrative, he was a lowlife drunk who got behind the wheel and killed a young girl, a mother, a daughter, a solider and a human being.

I sat today at work and watched co-workers and friends deal with the shock of the day. I saw them think of their children. Some of their children are just a little bit younger than  the poor soul lost last night and others about the same age as my children. Each person couldn’t imagine the pain and heartache the person who sat in the cube a few feet away could be feeling at that moment. It was numbing.

After work I found myself picking Lex up from the bus and running a few errands with both children. We shopped for “spooky” things and crafts to do this weekend while we had a break from work and school. Though I was physically and somewhat emotionally exhausted I found myself a little more patient with them to the point that I took them out to dinner this evening. All this because of that numbing feeling I had earlier today. I woke up. Once again I was reminded that people are not here for as long as we want them to be, but for as long as they are meant to be. That we don’t know when that time will end and each moment is more important than the next. Rather than worry about your children, enjoy them. Enjoy that horrible whining, those taunts of teasing, those tantrums, the giggles and the moments of silence as they drop off to sleep.

It’s possible that some of you don’t know me, my friend or her daughter but will you do me a small favor? Those who do know me, know I’m not a spiritual or religious person but if you would say a little prayer for them both, for their family and her son I would be indebted to you, my constant reader. For those parents out there, sneak into your child’s rooms tonight and give them an extra kiss while they sleep or tomorrow call them on their cell phone to hear their voice. You don’t have to tell them why, or maybe you do-either way just don’t miss those moments.

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~ by Cute Fan Girl on September 21, 2012.

2 Responses to “As I Lay Me Down”

  1. Beautiful post. “People are not here for as long as we want them to be, but for as long as they are meant to be.” It is always good to be reminded that life is short, and we don’t always get tomorrow. I am praying for all of those impacted by this young woman’s life. Blessings to you.

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