…(No Clever Title This Week)

Michael_Loki EyesThis has been a year. I remember when 2011 ended everyone had such hope for 2012. I think it’s in our nature (at least most of you – I’m the other side of that coin) to hope for the best. I feel I have not written much this year and the majority of those times have been because of tragic events. I know there are a lot of blog posts, comments and internet reporting out there regarding the terrible events that happened in Newtown, Connecticut – I don’t know if this post will be another in a long line of ignorant, self-analyzing and unimportant comments on those events, my feelings and our society. What I do know is that I’m numb.

I have watched CNN almost nonstop. Letting it run behind my other windows on my computer, both at work on Friday afternoon and here at home this weekend. Why do I let it run like that, why can’t I shut it off? I don’t know. I did the same thing for the first 24 hours of 9/11 and then I was done listening. I find myself walking through our apartment and randomly bursting out in tears. Today I was yelling at the kids and found myself feeling guilty for being able to yell at my children. I sit on Facebook and read the posts and think “Really? I’m friends with these people?” It’s easy to comment via social media these days and not face the seriousness of the words and the resulting actions. In the aftermath of tragic events, drastic actions are taken (see Gun background checks increase in Colorado) to find a way to deal with events; to shake off the fear. I am not anti-gun. I am not pro-gun. I like violent video games and movies, but that does not make me a violent person. Am I mentally stable? I have never undergone testing. Should I? Is the rest of America thinking like this? Or are they thinking I’m okay, it’s “them” we need to worry about?

We talked about the events of Sandy Hook Elementary School with our children. We told them the basics. We told them what they needed to know, that they were safe and that there were bad people out there that did bad things. We reminded them of what their jobs were. That they were to listen to their Teachers, mind us when it was necessary in an emergency and to keep safe. Children being children, Lex was far more concerned about performing in his holiday show later this week than violence in schools. I’m grateful for that. Like many parents out there, I’m grateful for a lot of things this weekend.

IMG_7489My job as a parent is to keep my children safe. It’s to honor their life with my actions. I don’t know about you, but I want to be their hero. I want them to look up to me and want to be something like me (though maybe they can live their dream better than me). I think I’m okay. I think I have shown them a little survival instinct over their short years with us. I plan on showing them a lot more as they grow.

Do I know what this nation needs? No. Do I have a solution? No. What I have is two children. They are the hope for 2013, 2014, 2015 and so on. I know I need to educate them. This is probably going to sound a little foolish, but there was a quote I read somewhere today that I think fits that idea of educating them. “You want weapons? We’re in a library! Books! The best weapons in the world!” Who said it? Doctor Who! Am I that naive? No. I’m not. But…damn it – I guess I’m turning into an optimist after all. I guess I have to be, because I’m a parent now.

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~ by Cute Fan Girl on December 16, 2012.

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